


He Lives in You

by mellonemrys



Category: Gundam Wing, 機動戦士ガンダム | Mobile Suit Gundam (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-10-11
Updated: 2007-10-11
Packaged: 2018-01-04 09:36:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1079409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mellonemrys/pseuds/mellonemrys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The pilots gather together after the death of one of their own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Lives in You

Trowa stirred the fire again, gazing sightlessly into its life bringing depths. His green eyes were tired, more from just his restless nights. They spoke of far more pain than words could express. Pain that would not be remedied, despite the circle of friends he was surrounded by. Sometimes just hurt too much to let go.

The air was warm, supplemented by a cool breeze from the west. Cooling off the daytime heat. Night was upon them, wrapping their bodies in a blanket of wilderness and stars. Just the four of them. Alone with each other. With their vigil. Their broken hearts.

Duo had been staring at the sky for some time now, thinking, wondering, imagining the what ifs. He was whirring through thoughts without rhyme or reason. Keeping his mind away from things that hurt. But he knew it would come back to that. It was why they were all there after all. His mind settled for a moment and he spoke, "My ancestors believed that everything was connected through a great spirit. Everything was alive, vibrant, real. And when something died, it would come back in another way, a person would come back as their totem. An animal spirit that would then protect its family and friends..."

He rubbed at his eyes, the soot from the fire stinging them and making them water.

"The great Eagle created the earth that we now live on, much like how we first came to earth. He gathered red clay from the rivers, carried high above the earth, his wings spread out, then cast it back down, like a shooting star, where it made the earth livable for people and other creatures. The animal spirits created this earth, and we in turn take on part of their spirits when we are born. When we die we re-join the spirits, amoung the stars. He’s up there, right now, watching us."

The others made various motions in agreement. "What do you believe his totem was?" Wufei asked Duo, from where he was sitting across the fire.

"Something strong..."

"Clever."

"Kind."

"Noble."

"The lion." Trowa finally said.

Duo raised an eyebrow, "Lions don’t live in America."  
"The mountain lion does. The cougar, powerful and graceful and..." Tears slid down his face. "It doesn’t matter, does it...he’s not...here..."

Heero had been quiet for the entirely of their vigil, but now he reached over and cupped a hand over Trowa’s, "Mountain lion or African lion, he still had the heart of one."

"Trowa, he lives on in you, and me, and everything around us." He looked up at the sky, "He’s here to protect us now, his spirit will be with all of us, you especially. He loved you, considered you his family. He wouldn’t want you to go on thinking that death is the end."

Trowa was still staring at the fire; he stood up and retrieved the small sliver box he had brought with him. The wind had finally picked up enough; it was time to say goodbye. One final, last goodbye. Duo, Heero, and Wufei followed suit, all standing around the fire, solemn, serious looks on their faces. Trowa opened the box and stared at the powdery, white substance inside, tears making small craters in its soft surface. Heero reached over, placing a comforting hand on the shoulder of his friend. They had all lost a friend, but Trowa had lost more than that. He’d lost part of himself. After another moment, Trowa tossed the contents of the box over the fire, watching as the wind and the flames danced white for a moment before the wind finally carried it away.

"Goodbye..." Trowa whispered; his words caught in the same gust of wind. Heard by no one else.

The group stayed awake for a bit longer, Wufei singing something painfully sad about lost loves as Duo and Heero dozed. Hands intertwined as they stared up past the stars and moon and planets. The singing finally quieted to a hummed chant, then to a whisper before Wufei was finally asleep with his own thoughts. Trowa alone, still starring at the fire, as if it would hold the answers. He laid down, his eyes begging the fire to somehow change what had happened. But it didn’t answer back. It cracked and slowly died, until only the embers were left.

He slipped between sleep and wakefulness, his mind refusing to leave him alone. Then a sound caught his ear, silent as a paw touching the bare earth. Sitting up, Trowa pushed a hand through his hair, coaxing his eyes to open. A dark form was crouched behind him, just out of the firelight’s reach. He strained his eyes, but could only see two reflective orbs looking back at him, almost curiously. It came closer, a golden paw now visible in the light. The eyes gave off a bluish hue, they studied him for a moment, then it stepped back again.

"No, wait." Trowa whispered and the form stopped momentarily then looked behind it before turning and leaving.

Trowa was on his feet, running through the forested night blindly except for the sound of the animal ahead of him and a feeling deep in his heart. Finally the two of them came to a clearing that spread out to a cliff over looking what would have been a beautiful valley, had Trowa thought to look. He could see it now, in the moonlight, golden fur, strong, and powerful and noble. Just like him. The lion’s strange blue eyes looked up at him and the lion looked more like a person than an animal. His pale hands and blond hair reflecting the moonlight as he stood no less than a few yards from Trowa.

"Duo is right...I’d never leave you Trowa." The spirit said, a small smile on its lips.

Stepping closer, Trowa doubted what his eyes were showing him. His love, standing there, talking to him, just like before. "I don’t care! I didn’t want to lose you!"

"It’s alright..." The wind blew in a small whirlwind around the spirit and he looked out over the valley for a moment, "I have to go...I’m sorry."

"No...Quatre...please...take me with you. I can’t live like this anymore."

"I can’t."

"Yes you can. When we die our bodies return to the earth and our spirits live on in other ways. Right?"

"Yes Trowa...you’re right." His face fell into a sad smile, "I’m so sorry, Trowa."

Trowa closed the distance between them, Quatre now hovering just over the cliff, Trowa just standing at the edge. He took Quatre’s hand and smiled, "Its alright, we live on in each other and in the places we’ve been."

"They won’t understand..."

"I think they will. After all, if they had the same chance..."

"What about—"

Trowa placed a finger on Quatre’s lips, "This is my choice." He released Quatre’s hand and walked away from the edge, then turned, his eyes full of tears again before he ran, leaping out over the edge into oblivion, catching Quatre’s hand and smiling.

Quatre embraced him; phantom tears just visible under the glow of his pale skin. "Does it hurt?"

"Not anymore."

A fire, much like the first burns on as the friends ex-change glances and stories and tears. From behind them, two sets of eyes watch, green and blue, curious of these beings that gather around the warmth of a fire only to cry. One nudges the other with its nose, indicating it is time to go. They turn and leave, bounding through the forest on all fours, then two. Laughing at the miracles of life, and the great circle that connects everything, living and not.

Duo spun around, a glimpse of brown and gold catching his eye.

"What is it?" Heero asked him, concern in his eyes.

"I just thought I saw..."

"Then you probably did."

Duo smiled, wiping away tears, "Yeah, they are watching over us, I can sense it."


End file.
